BDSM is not power stealing, it is power exchanging. Both (or more) parties make agreements and set boundaries beforehand. It may appear the dominant has all the power, when in reality it is the submissive. The submissive agrees to give a certain amount of power away and they can stop the exchange at any time and take their power back. It is the dominant’s responsibility to remain within the bounds of agreement.

Tantra and BDSM blend beautifully, because really, it is a sharing of one’s energy. A container of alchemical creation. The penetrative energy (masculine, yang) steps into a role of presence and space holding, while the receiving energy (feminine, yin) chooses to let go and surrender. Tantra allows a deeper connection in BDSM play, and vice versa.

I’ve had some of the most incredible ecstatic experiences blending the two. And also, many disempowered experiences. I let myself drop so deeply into a surrendered state, I allowed my power to be taken without prior agreement of specifics. Details. Are. Important.

A lot of times I left feeling drained. Like my energy was sucked right out of my body. I didn’t understand why. Isn’t this what I wanted? To give my power away?

Yes…and, the amount of power was never decided. That’s the difference. It is the job of the dominant to remain within bounds, but how can they successfully do so if there were no bounds in the first place?

I let this continue to happen with one particular person, over and over again. Until one day I opened my eyes to the reality of the situation. I made sure he knew exactly how I was feeling, and for him, it simply wasn’t true.

Now, I didn’t go running to social media to call this person out (not my style), I just cut him out of my life. Yet I continued to allow his energy to haunt my work. It was only yesterday that I removed all images of this person from my portfolio. Why did I allow him to remain in my energetic sphere? Truth is, he doesn’t deserve my energy. Never did.

Lesson: Don’t let anyone steal your power. Protect your energy. And hold the MFs accountable.

Happy to talk with anyone about this subject. Contact me or leave a comment below.